21st century online dating
I asked my dad about this experience, and here’s how he described it: he told his parents he was ready to get married, so his family arranged meetings with three neighboring families. That’s how my dad decided on the person with whom he was going to spend the rest of his life. I am perpetually indecisive about even the most mundane things, and I couldn’t imagine navigating such a huge life decision so quickly. Happily so—and probably more so than most people I know who had nonarranged marriages. From high school sweethearts to one time coworkers to even strangers on a train, it’s always fascinating to see how innocently life-altering relationships can begin.But in the 21st century, more and more couples are having the same response when asked how they first came to know each other: online. According to the 2010 census, women make up 50.9% of the general population.The question nagged at me—not least because of my own experiences watching promising relationships peter out over text message—so I set out on a mission.I read dozens of studies about love, how people connect and why they do or don’t stay together.I checked the website Eater for its Heat Map, which includes new, tasty restaurants in the city. The stunning fact remained: it was quicker for my dad to find a wife than it is for me to decide where to eat dinner.
We are looking to find out if she is a cool chick and if she is worth asking out on a date. As long as they ask a question and as long as she is responding, there is hope that it might go somewhere is usually their thinking. Asking her what she always wanted to be or what she would do if she didn’t have to work for money, might.
While generations past were more likely to find their spouses in their general locale, the advancement of the internet allows people to connect in a variety of new ways.
Online dating applications are a phenomenon that have completely taken over today’s dating world, opening up the pool of potential partners that one could choose – and sometimes the process is more simplified than meeting people in real life.
Whether it’s where I’m eating, where I’m traveling or, God forbid, something I’m buying, like a lot of people in my generation—those in their 20s and 30s—I feel compelled to do a ton of research to make sure I’m getting every option and then making the best choice.
If this mentality pervades our decisionmaking in so many realms, is it also affecting how we choose a romantic partner?
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I was coaching my client on Saturday afternoon and over a coffee we discussed his online dating interactions. More than likely, the conversation will just fizzle out. If I was using an online dating platform, I would ask questions that would help me determine if she is a cool chick. The quickest way to get a woman out on a date from online dating is to show her that you have a lot to talk about on a range of different topics and to have a reason.